What. Am. I. Doing?!?!!?!

The disappointment of my failure at the Rt66 is still fresh in my mind as I try to work through all my thoughts of where I've been and where I'm going to.  I've had a lot of encouragement to not let this get me down.  People saying that they are proud of me just getting out there or inspired by my brave attempts.  (Their words, not mine - You know who you are. :-P) So I decide that the entire year of 2012 is going to be one long training session for a marathon race.  No more training for halfs or short races.  All the chips are in.  Any halfs I run are just going to be training runs for the big thing. 

Through all the encouragement, people kept suggesting races to do.  Well, someone suggested the Little Rock Half.  I looked at it since it was where I lived for a while just out of high school.  When I looked at the map, I realized that it ran right by my first apartment.  But I was still reticent.  So I prayed and put it in God's hands.  If I am supposed to do the Little Rock Half, then I will get the extra money I need before the month is out, I said.  And I did.  So I signed up and now I'm going to Little Rock.  Great.  So now I need to get out in the cold and train. 

But the fear nags at me.  I got hypothermia.  Me.  The guy who hasn't been afraid of the cold.  At the beginning of the year I did the Race into the New Year and the wind was blowing hard and race time temps were in the 20s before the wind chill and I welcomed it.  Mr. I was stationed in Alaska.  And that bothered me.  A lot. 

So I tried to figure out how to approach this.  I knew I had to get over the fear... to know I could put myself out there and still perform.  I also knew that I needed to find a better way of protecting myself, especially from the wind. 

Facing my fears head on, I signed up for the TATUR Polar Bear Plunge to prove to myself that I could get beyond it and I could accept it.  I also found a good Russell Athletics wind suit to help with my training.  So the first day I got out in my wind suit, it was just the pants and it was the day before the polar bear plunge.  The suit worked great, but I had to pull up short because of a foot problem.  Sometime the week or so before, I had stressed something in my foot, either the Plantar Fascia or I'd stepped on something wrong.  So I started having pain just on the front part of my heal.  I went ahead and ran on it at the training run New Years Eve, but it hurt and I decided I could cut the run short and save it.  I was scheduled to do another 2 miles the next day anyway, so I stopped after 3 and a half miles. 

Sunday morning comes and I tape my foot and get my stuff ready.  Temperatures were predicted to be in the mid 50s so I didn't want to over dress for the run.  I settled on a 2-layer system with compression shorts , thin socks, a rayon-type technical on the under-layer and my normal running shorts and running shirt as the outer layer.  I also made sure I had towel and robe and good dry clothes to change into afterward.  And I had bought some Under Armor ColdGear moisture-wicking liner gloves, I decided to wear them as well.  The last part turned out to be an excellent idea.

So, I turn up at the race and I'm in the first heat, which is a good thing.  The gun goes off and I get started, but my foot starts giving me fits quickly.  It started getting difficult in the sand part of the run, but I kept going.  Backtracking to the dock, I managed around that obstacle with some discomfort - not just from my foot but from the fear of falling in!  Finally, I hauled myself up from the dock and was on my way to the first of 3 pools. 

The first pool was a bit of a cheat.  I was allowed stay mostly dry and just get my feet and legs up tot he knees wet.  This was the warmest pool and yet it was very painful, as I had the pins and needles feeling in my feet.  But 1 down, 2 to go.  The next pool was the horror I had expected.  No way through it but to be drenched.  I pulled my swim goggles on and didn't let myself hesitate any longer than to determine the best path.  So I dove in.

The first instant didn't bother me so much.  But then I came to the surface and tried to breathe.  At that point, I knew I was in trouble because I couldn't get a good lungful of air.  I also couldn't touch the bottom and I wasn't near enough to the edge to grab it.  So I said that I was in trouble and couldn't breathe.  It must have been largely psychological because as soon as the hook reached out and I touched it, I was able to get a good breath and move on to the end of the pool.

Onward to the last pool, at this point it was just a painful trudge.  By the time I got there, the water was very murky and I had difficulty seeing where I wanted to jump in at.  I spent several minutes on the edge and looking in the water got my nerves going.  Finally, I jumped in feet first.  The water was absolutely frigid and needles and knives cut through me as I slogged my way to the steps and up and out of the pool.  I pondered my achievement then realized the race wasn't done yet.  I slogged on to the finish line and finally was done.  I considered the hot tubs at the end, but decided against them as the water had become tepid and would only serve to prolong the time I was wet.  The gloves I wore performed better than I could have expected, though.  The one part of my body that wasn't freezing was my hands!

Finally, I went in and collected my bag and got changed. I felt pretty good walking out of the tent but knew that I needed to get something to eat quickly.  I had a single piece of pizza provided onsite, but really had problems eating it.  So I went and got something else on my way home, but already felt the nausea of exhaustion waving over me.  I got home and laid down and nursed myself as much as possible, but it was too late.  I had 1 more run left in me that day -- The run for the porcilin.  Finally, I was done.  Rest and a warm bed for the rest of the day and I felt better, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Onward from here.